On August 28, 2017 I started Fatness Fiction and +Plus Size Magic Radio with hopes to share the narratives of those who identified as bigger bodies. The monikers associated with the term “fat” are plentiful, but my goal is not to get caught up on that. As I spend this time basking in the 1 year anniversary of this brand, I wanted to make sure I continue sharing the stories of those who deal with the permissible discrimination and hate toward their body image and what it means to find peace with themselves. This blog series features multiple stories of those who identify with the mission and vision of Fatness Fiction and gives them space to reflect on what this last year has taught them. Join us as we undergo a year in reflection.
A year ago I was insecure, I didn’t have true love for myself and I was in a lot of emotional pain. I smiled and acted as if everything was alright, but on the inside I was crying. I yearned to be accepted and I was dying to fit in and have friends that I could really get me. I had dealt with years of bullying and was always being told I wasn’t enough. I was so good at hiding my pain there were times where I even believed that I was confident and amazing, but all that was snapped back into reality when I saw other women and became jealous because I thought they were beautiful and had the attention of others around them. But that was just it, that was the very thing I’ve been wanting. To be loved, accepted, acknowledged, and thought about by others, One day I was so fed up with not loving myself and being overlooked by people, I started to learn to love on myself. I started to see myself the way God does and in his word it says “I am beautifully and wonderfully made” and of course I am made in his image so I had to embrace the goddess within me. After a while of learning and loving myself I believed to love me wholeheartedly. I turned from a shy, meek, voiceless, insecure female to a bold, beautiful, loving, blossoming woman.
I didn’t have true love for myself and I was in a lot of emotional pain
One thing that I wanted to do as I embarked upon this new found love for myself was modeling. I didn’t think it would work out because again I was always told I was too fat, my eyebrows were too thick, I wasn’t girly or sexy enough. When you look on television, advertisements, and even videos you see women who are gorgeous and I thought of all the beautiful women who would be there at the model castings calls; “I would definitely get the boot.” I ended up going to a casting call because of a lady who encouraged me to go for it and she told me how beautiful she thought I was and that she wouldn’t give up until I agreed to go. So, I did. I went to the casting call and ever since that day my life hasn’t been the same. I have done quite a few fashion shows and I have made a numerous amount of friends. Now that I’m comfortable in my skin, I love every flaw, every roll, curve, every mark, and every imperfection. I love everything about me! Even though this year has been an amazing journey with some of the greatest highs, there were some lows as well. I have been attacked on social media. I’ve had people try to tear me down and truly make me feel worthless. If I hadn’t built myself up and become confident in myself, I probably would have been in the corner crying. No matter what anyone says, being plus size is a blessing. I mean who wouldn’t want more of an amazing person to love!? There should never be women who feel less than others, talked about because of her size, weight, build, or originality, etc. We shouldn’t be competing and making others feel bad. We should be encouraging and uplifting to one another.
With this platform I hope to inspire people to always go after their dreams, support others, and live their lives like it’s golden. Despite what anyone says or what they may think, what’s important is what you think about you! Love yourself and no matter what, always strive to be the best version of you everyday! Remember that loving myself and embracing fully who I am is new to me, but I’m loving the journey and I hope I can inspire someone and gain new friends along the way!
Peace and Plussized Blessings!