Fat, Fabulous and Forty (Plus) – My Ongoing Journey
“Why am I telling my business to total strangers?”
“Why do I always have a tough time writing down what I feel?”
These are the questions that are currently rolling through my mind as I attempt to write this blog post. You see, it’s one thing to have a bunch of ideas and thoughts swirling around in my head, but it’s completely different to put them down on paper for the world (and me) to see. That takes transparency and courage…all of which I am learning to embrace the older I get.
Historically, I have struggled with embracing the talents and giftings that God has given me because of my weight. It didn’t matter how intelligent people said I was, the number of degrees I had or the various professional and personal accomplishments I achieved, I always found a way to downplay them because I connected everything back to my weight. Let me show you what I mean:
“Okay, I’ve accomplished ___________, but I still feel like a failure…because I’m fat.”
“Yeah, I’m smart, but I am still not married because I’m fat.”
“What was I thinking?!? I can’t apply for this job or work in the _______ industry because I’m fat.”
See a pattern here? I’m sure you do. Can you guess what probably happened next? If you guessed that I ended up talking myself out of SO many potential opportunities and wonderful life experiences, you are correct. Can I just say that self-sabotage is cruel and evil? Anyway, I digress. I used “I’m fat” as a crutch and ended up blaming other people and systems (including my Christian faith) for things not happening in my life – this is a whole different discussion for another time.
But, thank God for His grace, mercies and multiple chances to get things right.
My perspective started changing when I hit 40. It wasn’t a big epiphany or anything like that. I just decided that I HAD to intentionally change my views about myself and to begin embracing who I was, weight and all. My Mother’s unexpectant passing in 2016 drove this point home even more. Not only did her death show me my mortality, but it created an urgency that I needed to stop being lazy, dimming my light to fit in with others and start walking in my God ordained purpose and destiny.
So, I took a major leap of faith and started Fostering Our Future, LLC in 2017 to help “educate, empower and advocate” for experiencing life, academic and career transitions. I have also lost over 20 pounds in my rollercoaster weight loss ride. Twenty pounds isn’t a lot, but it’s a start!
Has my journey been easy? Nope! Do I still battle with laziness, lack of faith and fear? Absolutely. Is the struggle worth the victory? More than you will ever know.
So, to anyone reading this post who allows their weight to hinder their goals and dreams…STOP IT! If you want or need to lose the weight, do it. But PLEASE don’t let that stop you from walking in your Divine purpose. God has a plan for you, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. Finally, always remember that life is short. You don’t have to wait until your 40s to accomplish your dreams. Start NOW.
Time is moving forward. Are you?
Sonja Foster
